Marriage: Love or Not?

 The question of why people should get married has always created debate from all walks of life. Should they marry for love or not? Or is there another determining factor of why people get married. This subject has a lot of chatter from Christians, Hollywood, and to any one else that can form an opinion.

 Just as there are a lot of reasons for people to marry the definition of love has many definitions. First, Merriam-Webster defines love as, "A strong affection for a person, attraction that includes sexual desire, and a person you love in a romantic way" (Merriam-Webster, 2014, Definition of Love). As anyone can see the definition even from the dictionary has a broad sense of the word love. The broad sense of the definition of love has also spilled over into our culture. Some people may find someone that they are attracted to and they "feel" in love with that person. Or maybe someone does a great act for another and then all of the sudden there is an overwhelming "feeling" of love. Stepping away from the worldly definition of love I believe that we should look to the Bible for our answers. Because after all, as Christians we are supposed to leave the world behind and look for direction from God's Word; right?

 If we look to the Bible for the definition of love we find verses such as, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son" (John 3:16, NKJV). But, the problem is can we as humans live up to that standard of love? such as what God has? The love that God has for His creation is defined as an Agape love which is the highest form of love that can ever be felt or acknowledged. This type of love is an all encompassing love that loves without limits, without ill will, and that is a sacrificial love. God's love for us is a different love than most if not all humans are incapable of actually doing because as the Bible explains we are imperfect and that our knowledge is only finite, "For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away" (1 Corinthians 13:9-10). We must also consider that we are also sinful which will also make us selfish at times and will also keep us from truly having that Agape love as God loves us. In a sense the love that we feel will fall short of how God loves and our love is a "feeling" or an emotion that can at best be temporary. A great example of this is when Jesus asked Peter if he loved (Agape) more than the other disciples, but every time that Peter answered he replied with yes Lord you know that I love (phileo) You (John 21:15-17). Jesus was asking if Peter loved Him unselfishly, but Peter always answered with a word for love that is defined as just a fervent love for another; there was never a confirmation of a selfless love such as an Agape love.

 So, when we get married should it be for love or for some other reason? I believe that people do love (have an attraction or an attachment to other people), but this feeling can be deceiving and temporary. This is why the divorce rate is high even among Christians. However, the Bible does give some guidelines on why get married and how our love should be. But, first I would like to offer a piece advice that may be helpful. In describing the struggles that couples have Deal discusses some real scenarios that people have after just a short time in marriage. He points to an e-mail that he received about a woman who was suffering due to issues in the marriage because she and her mate can't come to terms of agreement of matters such as parenting and step parenting. Deal says that, "People make decisions of relationships, family decisions, and parenting on ache (trying to run from the pit of pain) and pull of love (the desire for attachment) instead of letting wisdom do that for them" (Ron L. Deal, 2012, pp. 22-23). Therefore, we should have not only love, but also wisdom.

 Wisdom comes from the knowledge of God's Word and Godly couples should first look to the wisdom of God for guidance even before the wedding bells ring. Ok, so there is "love", an attraction, or more than likely an attachment therefore, Paul says, "But, I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Cor. 7:8-9, emphasis added, NKJV). It is a sinful act to give into lust outside of marriage so, Paul says that it is better to be married than to sin. But, there is also Good News about marriage and how to keep that love alive in the marriage; again Christians should be looking to the Bible for knowledge and wisdom in all areas of our lives.

 When speaking about the gifts that individuals could possess Paul says that all of them are worthless without love (charity). Probably some of the most misunderstood Scriptures in the Bible is that of 1 Corinthians 13:1-8; specifically vv. 4-8. Paul says, "Charity suffers long, is kind, does not envy, does not boast, not puffed up, is not selfish, does not rejoice in iniquity, bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things, endures all things, and never fails" (1 Cor. 13:4-8, paraphrased, KJV). The word charity in the KJV of the Bible means love and a true biblical sense of love that God would have us to have toward others especially our loved ones. This is one reason that why premarital counseling is important so, that some of these characteristics can be brought to light and to ensure that both individuals are willing to go beyond the feelings of love to ensure that these characteristics are met "until death do them part". Indeed, couples should not married merely for love, but should marry on the foundation of Wisdom!

References

Deal, Ron L. (2012). Dating and the single parent. Minneapolis, Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers.

Merriam-Webster. (2014) The Merriam-Webster dictionary: the definition of love. Kindle Version: An Encyclopedia Britannica Company.